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I sat at the first open spot I saw at the bar, and was almost immediately asked to move one seat over by a couple on a date. Though it has lost some of its louche luster in the intervening decade, when I rolled in at 10 p. And now that I was partnered, I had a hard time imagining what I'd get out of drinking alone. It's a bar for slightly older indie rockers who may or may not be on mood-stabilizing medication. We went back inside, where his two very friendly married friends told me that Lebowski had been a three-time winner on Jeopardy. The number of people you're out with is also a factor. During this experiment, I was reminded of guys in college who would make declarations like "women can have sex whenever they want," and then followed it up muttering "except the ugly ones. I always saw it more as a means to an end than anything else. And while I know plenty of women who like going to bars alone for completely nonsexual reasons, for me, a bar was still a place to trade attention for self-confidence back and forth with some man in sick, sad loop. Her name was Lydia, and her drive for companionship seemed to make her a bit of a pariah among the singles mixer crew all of whom were legit looking for second husbands like it was their second job. Either way, they steered clear of me. I eat out alone , go to the movies alone, and I once traveled to Austria alone.

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Description: I watched the game, understanding nothing. I felt embarrassed for myself. When I was growing up, my recently-divorced mother had a group of recently-divorced friends who all used to go out and try to meet men together. Things seemed as chill here as they had at the Black Rabbit — it was a weeknight, and people seemed clustered in small groups, watching the game on the big overhead TVs — but try as I might, I could not summon the same degree of comfort that I had at the other bar. Going to bars alone didn't feel like a refuge for me, but merely another place in life to put on my makeup and ball gown and await the judge's score. I felt like a ghost of a single person. I was afraid of having no one talk to me, I was afraid of having someone talk to me and ask me a question that I couldn't answer. Did people think I was a loser for being here alone. I simply felt a wave of relief. This is supposed to be the life of a woman alone at a bar. And while I know plenty of women who like going to bars alone for completely nonsexual reasons, for me, a bar was still a place to trade attention for self-confidence back and forth with some man in sick, sad loop. I thought back to Lydia. While I had met funny bartenders and chill bartenders in the past, I had never before encountered so many male bartenders who treated me tenderly, like a puppy with its leg in a cast. As I watched the overheard TV which here silently played old classic rock videos instead of sports , I began to obsessively wonder what I looked like to the people here.
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