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By this point, I'm writhing in agony because I have to piss so badly, so I decide to try and let a bit go into the bottle, just to see if I'm getting all the liquid inside. We only had to stop once for lunch and potty breaks, and my kids didn't say jack shit the whole trip because I set up a DVD player in the back so they could watch horrible kiddie movies. I was sitting in the middle of a traffic jam that stretched on for miles and miles and all I could think about was the idea that traffic would NEVER advance forward. What IS a glory boy, for that matter. Heidi gets seen playing and peeing. I start to worry about my urethra exploding inside my penis, sending blood and piss and small bits of penis meat all over the car. A dildo does wonders for coffee stirring, and a meat tenderizer is perfect if you like fisting but hate the mess. His brother was killed by a drunk driver. There is a special place in fantasy football hell for you my friend, an inner circle where Roger Goodell's hell hounds will gnaw at your genitals while Mean Joe Greene and Bill Belichick take turns sodomizing your eyesockets. Especially on my clit to orgasm.

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